I’m A Little Bit Mad

I was excited to write, but now my mind is exhausted.

Exhausted from reading previous emotions i had recorded.

This new chapter in my life has gotten me so confused.

My thoughts are out of proportion,

So much time to think makes me slightly insane…

idle mind is the playground for the mentally deranged.

Understand what I’m saying?

Why do I write this way?

I don’t speak like this,

but these words flow out like piss.

I create these problems in my head that aren’t really there.

It prevents me from living out my desires and wallow in despair. Not fair.

I choose to be alone because that’s where i’m more comfortable.

It’s peaceful.

No fake talk, back talk, back-stabbing or bragging.

Who am I kidding?

I talk about myself, back to myself.

I don’t trust myself.

I’m a little bit mad.

- Angie Romasanta

TRY

During my school days in creative writing class, I was always taught when expressing to “show, not tell.” Basically meaning to paint a visual image; elaborating. Describing in detail. I was pretty good at that. I was writing all the time – with an assignment to create, yet being mindful of the proper structure/etiquette. After reading some of the previous entries of this blog, i’ve learned that my poetry lacked what I was trained to do. Only because I wasn’t TRYING to do it as an ‘assignment’ for another to assess. I simply just wrote how I felt, just to RELEASE the burdens within me.

From this point on, though, I’m going to push myself and bring that other side out of me. It’s been waiting to come out for a long time. I feel that if I unleash this, It will break the pattern that echos through every aspect of my life.

I need to TRY.

Dumb Love

Why is it that when i start to “LOVE”

it’s like I can’t even function… I get DUMB.

i can’t think of anything to say

i bottle up my emotions because i’m afraid to relay -

the thoughts of what is really felt; the way that i think;

the conspiracies that play tricks on me… causing anxiety…

RAGE!

Then I reason, it’s just a passing phase.

Calm and collect – then the voices in my head intercept…

When all I have to do is confront my problems VERBALLY,

Instead of holding it in INTERNALLY.

But how do you break a cycle that has always been?

A Familiar Place

Helpless. Immobile. Urge to cry.

I can’t stay happy.

I’m always back to this familiar place.

Dread. Sorrow.

Why do I re-visit this point in space?

It’s constant.

Misconstrued

Simple words, misconstrued. Everything is always misconstrued.

Can I not communicate the way I think I can? I spell it out. I articulate. Yet, you still don’t understand.

You, nor I, speak in metaphors. We both inflect….

but with our present level of awareness, It’s difficult to connect.

Therapy

I’ve always kept a diary. I have a collection. Pen to paper is my preference; but as long as my thoughts are documented, I’m content.

My over-active mind clouds my judgement, or so, I believe. Therefore, I write. I write just to read… To basically see if what I’m thinking is really as ridiculous as I think it to be.

Writing is my therapy.

Hate Me

Im unhappy with the decisions I make.

After everything is said and done, I continually beat myself up.

For myself, I show no mercy.

I hate me sometimes.

I wish I could turn back time.

What have I become?

My morals and inhibitions out the door.

I don’t wanna be ME anymore.

Jaded

Walking thru life. Passing scenery.

Nothing seems to arouse my senses anymore.

I feel jaded.

The fire in my heart died.

What happened to the passion that once burned in these eyes?

I wanna feel something real again…

I turn to the heavens and then there’s light!

But then…

i lose focus and stray even further.

Why cant I stay on course?

Cold & Dark

It’s cold and dark where I stay.

Chills run down my spine as I say,

I’m empty and an longing for a fix.

Lord please help me, I’m in a mix -

of ups and downs and highs and lows

one extreme to another is how it goes.

Stripped

As I walk through life, with each passing stride…

Particles are stripped, each one of them subside.

Inhaling the air surrounding me,

Scent takes me back to apathy.